Tonight (well technically very early morning as it is 4:30 am) I happened to open my instagram and one of my friend's stories started playing. I usually don't watch stories but the narration caught me and got me to stop and listen.
The reason a lot of people won't become who they want is because they're too attached to who they've been. And you hear it all the time when people say I've always been that way. Okay, well if that's working for you keep doing that. I knew it wasn't working for me any longer. I had hit my version of rock bottom...That day what shifted for me, I was willing, I don't know if this is going to sound crazy, I was willing to completely die to any form of me that I had been so that I can birth the woman that I was becoming. I was willing to let go of everything and everybody. Another reason people won't get there is because the doorway is for you to fit through. You're trying to carry everybody else through 'cause you're trying to be rescue 911, and you gotta rescue you first. I am much more valuable to my family and to my community because I was willing to let them go. Go through the door myself teach myself, learn myself, condition myself, and then come back and get them. I'm much more valuable to them now, but I had to go through a window time of 10 years of judgment...i had to be willing to allow my conviction to make me an inconvenienced. See, we wanna grow but we want to all stay liked by everybody. I was wiling to be my own rescue at the risk of your approval. Most of us aren't like that... well, I woke up and liked myself today so your like is extra. My job is to like me first. I was willing to say everyday, "Lisa, you like you?' "Lisa, are you proud of you?""Lisa are you planned full out?" Everyday before I checked in with anybody else.
It has had me thinking a lot about my current situation about being on LTD and really uncertain of my future and what it might hold. For now watch and listen.