Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I am now down to 226 lbs and I am hating the 220's! After the Black Friday weekend I got down to 227 (mostly because of sickness induced lack of eating) and then quickly went back up. My body has a hard time with lack of food and then eating again.
Well I've been blah about my weight loss because I have just a short 3 weeks or 21 days until the trip to Cuba. The entire time I have had a goal of 210 before getting to Cuba and now it really seems like I will not make it to that weight and I am frustrated.
The worst part is I often feel like I have made no progress at all - which is an utterly STUPID thought considering that I have lost 32.8 lbs since September (so 16 weeks...) how on earth can ANYONE think that loosing on average 2 lbs a week is bad?!?! seriously.
Well in part the frustration comes in because I have hovered around the same weight for the last two weeks (or so it has felt) and it doesn't seem like my clothes are fitting any different.
Silly silly thoughts I know and they were made worse this weekend with a trip to the swim suit store to pick up something for Cadence. I looked at the suites and thought there is no way I can fit anything other than the ugly "fat" ones and here I have done all of this work to get no where.
Then there was the thoughts of still not being able to shop in any regular stores and having to visit plus size stores. I sat and thought about just saying screw it all and then going to get some Popcorn and pretzel. Then something stopped me and I thought about all of the hard work, the 1.5-2 hours a day I spend at the gym away from my home, my daughter trying to get the weight off and I do NOT want to go back I do NOT want to have to go through this again. The momentary up or fuzzy feeling I would get from the food would be far far out weighed by the guilt of eating the food, by the icky way it would make me feel and most importantly by the time I would have to spend at the gym making up for giving into the temptation.
I sat and contemplated this for a few minutes. My real fear was walking into a store that carries clothes from 0-18 and then looking at me and saying "your too fat to be here loser". I then made the decision that I have let fear rule enough of my life and my decisions and that I will never be able to do the thing that I think I can't do otherwise ANYTHING is possible.
So I went into the store, grabbed two pair of pants and a shirt and headed to the change room as quick as possible and tried not to be noticed.
I went into the room and start thinking of all of the excuses about not wanting to try anything else on as I got undressed and started to put the clothes on.... and guess what?!? The size 18 was LOOSE not falling off but loose. I could have cried. I came out and talked with the associate and finally had the courage to just say what was happening. I explained that I have lost 30+ lbs and I didn't know what size I was and I need help finding clothes.
So they brought me a size 16 skirt suite and I tried it on and it fit wonderfully - ever so tight around my tummy but it FIT.
It was one of the best moments I've had so far.
I know that I will not likely hit my goal of 210lbs for Cuba but I am ok with that - it was a lofty goal to start with and I am proud of my success and I am not going to let the fact that I will fall slightly short deter me from continuing.
I have a new goal - my 30th Birthday is coming up at the end of June - I have 27 weeks and my goal is to be at 170 lbs by then.
In order to achieve the goal I would need to loose 56 lbs from today or just over 2 lbs a week consistently until then.
I don't honestly know when I was last 170 lbs. Unfortunately, I ignored my weight once I started to gain. When I graduated from high school I was 155 lbs and the next weight I knew was 235lbs I don't remember any other point along the way.
So right now I am looking forward to one number 200 LBS and no longer being above that number.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
In September when I started my journey I weighed 258.8 lbs wow that's a really really hard number to write down - so very very embarrassing especially considering that almost 5 years ago I lost 30 lbs (granted I've since had a baby and everything else...)
This is a picture that was taken in June of this year. I absolutely HATE this picture and my mom even had it published in the local news paper (thanks mom)
Well here is a recent picture (e.g., just taken - long day in the office...) can you see the difference? :) As I've posted before I have started hitting the gym on a regular basis (basically 6 days a week). However, November has been a crazy month - between my annual girl's fondue weekend, black friday shopping weekend (with all of the food that goes along with a long-weekend trip)
I was very concerned for many reasons. First, the annual girls fondue party involves wine and lots of it accompanied by a massive spread - cheese fondue with bread and veggies, followed by hot rocks and oil fondue for cooking meat and veggies (and on the hot rocks you basically are cooking the meat in butter... oh soooo tasty) and then finally chocolate fondue with fruit for dipping (or in some cases dipping Lindt chocolate balls....no I did not partake in that one this year I was already too full) well can you imagine that this does not fit well in my meal plans and on top of that I had planned to spend an extra four hours in the gym to make up for the sheer volume of food... key word "planned" I ended up being too busy with house cleaning and preparations to get there.
I want to take a brief second to give a shout out to my WONDERFUL mom who came over to help me clean the house and then took ALL and I mean 14 loads ALL of my laundry home with her to wash, dry, iron, fold/hang up and delivered it back the next day. Now who seriously has the BEST MOM in the world :D thanks mom and the best part is she loves it and has come to understand my world is crazy and house cleaning is not near the top of my list these days.
Anyways - the weekend after the fondue weekend was Black Friday weekend - which usually involves all you can eat buffets, lots of bad food at all times of the day. Well this year on the advice of a friend I found out that my YMCA membership is also good in the US and my hotel was 5 seconds from one of the local Y's.
I had planned on working out on my regular routine. However, after the first night our weekend went into chaos - little C got sick and then I got the stomach flu (not pretty or fun). When we finally made it home I was still not feeling well - and did not eat for two full days and then barely ate for the rest of the week. I made the decision that while going to the gym was not in my best interests (I was afraid that working out and stressing the body while having little if any food could trigger "starvation mode" and create set backs). So I waited until I could eat on a normal basis again and then on Saturday and Sunday I hit the gym again.
I would also note at this time that after the fondue weekend I basically stopped using LoseIt to track my food and the last time this happened I had a major slip and started gained back more weight than I had lost using the program. I was very very concerned about this and the not going to the gym but I was determined not to let this set me back.
Regardless of how much weight I've lost so far (which by the way is about 30 lbs :) ) I think I have reached a very important point in my journey. I didn't let the fact that life got a bit out of the ordinary mess me up. I was cautious about my activities and eating habits while not using my tracking system and not going to the gym. More importantly I think - I started right back on track as soon as possible.
I also shared with my close friends about my journey where I had been and where I wanted to go and I've asked for their help. Honestly, when I started gaining weight out of high school I didn't really realize it and I have no idea how I got to where I am today (well I know but I didn't see it as I went) and I asked each of them to promise me to speak up and say something anything to keep me from going back.
Those old habits are dead and gone and can honestly say after overcoming these last two weeks that I have a new lifestyle and that I am confident that I can keep these changes around.
Next goal - 20 lbs in the next 6 weeks - I know it will be really really hard and I am not sure I can accomplish it. But I am ok if I don't :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Well this is just a recent picture of little C from the other morning.
Children are such a reflection of what you do and who you are. Here she is on the phone in the morning on our way to work.
This has had me thinking more and more about my weight loss journey. She is going to look to me for my habits and behaviors. This had made the whole process even more important she needs to learns about the need to eat health and the importance of exercise. However she cant just be taught she needs to be shown the what a healthy life is.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Preheat oven to 350.
Put the entire brick of cream cheese on a piece of wax paper or parchment paper and shape it into a long log.
Put it in the freezer while you mix and fill the pans, up to an hour.
Unwrap and cut with a sharp knife so each cream cheese disk equals 1-2 teaspoons. If the cream cheese disks are too big around, cut thick slices and then cut them in half. This lets you push it down into the batter easier.
Mix all ingredients together (except cream cheese).
Fill muffin tins (greased or paper cups) half full.
Put cream cheese disc in the middle, pressing down.
Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean from the muffin part (do not touch the cream cheese!).
Let cool in pans for 5 minutes, then remove to racks to cool completely. Do not touch the cream cheese until it cools.
**This recipe makes 12.
you could add nuts or sunflower seeds to this for extra goodness.
Make sure you buy plain pumpkin and not pumpkin pie filling (did that once with another recipe and it was not such a hot idea)
I also use a low-fat No Sugar Added vanilla yogurt
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Last and not least you can NOT use iTunes gift cards on the Apple Canada app store - boo urns!!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Here is a picture that was taken downtown today.
I am truly loving having the phone more and more. However, I am still not entirely in love. My newest pet peeve is that you cannot send invites to calendar events right from the iPhone. I have been told that you that you can get an app for that or use mobile me or what ever but honestly this is a BASIC feature of any smart phones.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I have been in a habit for a long time of keeping my recipes on my computer in a word document. If I need a new recipe I will have a friend or family member email it to me and then paste it into the every growing word document. (For those who want to know yes the document is impressively organized into different categories and subcategories that includes a table of contents). The pages eventually get printed off and added to my binder (along with any other recipes I collect).
However, I have a recurring problem of not having toner or paper in my printer (or a general desire not to walk downstairs to print the same recipe for the umpteen time).
As such my solution has been to email myself the recipe which has worked well but I figured because of the saying "well there's an app for that" there MUST be an app to keep my recipes on my iPhone. Well guess what - there is LOTS of them.
I have an entire folder devoted to cooking with the following free apps:
CampRecipes by Coleman
RecipeFinder by McCromick
they are all really good for looking for other peoples recipes. I also purchased:
How to Cook Everything - which is amazing.
However, I still wanted something to use my own recipes so I downloaded
which is ok - it comes with a free preloaded recipes and then the ability to add your own and have your own pictures. I am not a huge fan of this app - it is good but I do not like how the instructions are on a completely different screen than the ingredients. I have also had problems add in instructions that seem to be too long for the field.
I then purchased
and I have to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS APP!!
I was hesitant to purchase it for $2.99 at first (ok compared to the $0.99 that most of my apps are this is expensive)
But I love it for many many reasons:
1. I can enter my recipes in online and then upload/download to my iPhone (which means that mass editing is easy!!)
2. I can use it as a meal planner and to keep my recipes which is AMAZING
3. You can create your meal plan and then have it automatically create your shopping list and then you can ADD to your shopping list the non-grocery items (e.g., toilet paper) to the list
THEN you can email the shopping list and meal plan and it is SORTED by areas in the store.
OK and you can even email recipes to friends at the click of a button.
1. you can't add pictures (ok not huge but it would be a nice touch)
2. It doesn't cook the food for you... seriously those are the only things I do not like about the app.
I also have created a "left over" food item for nights when I plan on just having left overs and it comes preloaded with an "eating out" item so that you can load those into the meal planner. It is also very very easy to move meals from one day to the next if you need to rearrange your plans mid week..You can also plan for more than a week at a time (nice nice nice)
Truly I am in LOVE!
(i would also add that you can use this on the iPod touch and I am guessing on the iPad as well but I am not sure).
Friday, August 6, 2010
I love the phone - it does everything for me except for washing the dishes. However, that being said o do have a few things that I am not a fan of on the phone.
First you should know that I primarily use my phone for work purposes but I like being able to have my personal life integrated with the phone, which brings me to the first downside.... I love that I can have multiple mail boxes on the phone and being able to send from the different email addresses. However, I hate that I can only have one email signature that is used for all of my emails. I have a work one that I MUST use so I have set that up and them just delete it on personal emails but it is still a pain.
Also the way in which the app store is managed is driving me nuts. I would love to be able to look and review the different apps using iTunes on my computer but alas it is very limiting and not intuitive like all other things apple.
I would also like to be able to cue downloads of apps. I am currently searching and downloading many apps. I do not like the fact that I have to press install and then wait for the app to install before continuing.
Last and not least you can NOT use iTunes gift cards on the Apple Canada app store - boo urns!!
Well we shall see how things go. I am contract free and I am loving that!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Well 11 years ago I set out to accomplish something. Over the course of 11 years that goal and the path has changed several times. I finally accomplished my goal last Thursday on June 17, 2010.
I am so excited and thrilled to have reach this point in my life but it has me wondering what now? I mean at my age I am fairly lucky, I have a wonderful daughter, a supportive husband, a home, a car and now an official professional career.
I know it sounds silly but in high school I kept a mental "check list" of things I needed have/do in order to consider myself a "success" and I bet you can guess from the previous paragraph what was on that list. As I grew older the only thing I added to the list was the opportunity to travel, as you can probably tell by my posts I also can add that to my "done" list.
But what now? I never would have thought that I would be sitting here days away from my 29th Birthday having achieved all the goals I had set out for myself.
anyways that is my thoughts for today.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
This is a picture of little C at the park today. I was talking with one of the guys around the office on friday about having a kid and how they keep reminding what really is important in life.
Today as a part of our long weekend we took c to the park for a picnic. It was tons of fun and I made sure to take LOTS of pictures.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
My largest comment with respect to the cameras is that they are great for every day use but they offer so much more for the money that you spend on them.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I have had a blackberry pearl for the last two years and I have also had a second bberry (world edition) for the last year. I have to say that I am generally not pressed with the pearl. I frequently have to remove the battery to clear the cache completely and when I don't (like yesterday) I loose all of my emails and call history. The world edition didn't seem to have the same problem but that could also have to do with the fact that it was hooked to an enterprise server.
Now mainly will use the device for talking and emails. However, I have been known to send myself recipes and use it in the kitchen. I also highly addicted to blackberry messanger to communicate with my friends.
I am using our iPod touch right now to type this post. I like it although I am no sure if I really like they key board that you can't feel (old school I guess).
If you have any insight you'd like to share I would be willing to accept it. Right now I can say that the touch has been a great value to our life and adding a phone feature would be amazing. My only other issue is I would have to switch service providers.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
This is a picture from the beach on Catalina Island. We took the trip there from our resort in Punta Cana. It was an amazing island and great place to visit. Although, we weren't a fan of the overall excursion because of the drunk individuals spilling drinks and bad music the island itself was amazing. The snorkeling was so-so compared to Puerto Plata but some of the best in the area.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
We sit and watch and I think the alluring thing about Television or movies for that fact is it plays into the part of our mind that is still the little child that believes that maybe just maybe there is such thing as Santa or the Easter Bunny.
I watched Grey's and House last night and was motivated by both shows for two very different reasons. I was mostly moved by House and I just love the episode where nothing much actually happened compared to the normal activities but it was right what I needed.
For those of you who didn't see the episode Cuddy wakes up in the morning to a screaming child that has a fever and she is trying to get ready for work. She has to take her daughter into the shower with her, in the bedroom with her as she gets dressed all the time looking at the clock and seeing how time is passing you by and you just wish you could do the things that you needed to do but then at the same time there is the guilty of not being able to just be with her daughter. This continues through the rest of the day. It also goes on to show the struggles that Cuddy faced in a day trying to be a mom, professional doctor, and manager with everything else she does. The moments she was on the verge of breaking down escaping to the stairwell just to try and catch a moment in the whirlwind.
It reminded me so much of my life. It was my daughter's birthday party this weekend. She spent Thursday and Friday at my parents house (at their request) and I spent all of Saturday getting ready for her party at my parents house. Once that was done it was time to come home and go to bed for her. For me it was time to work and get other things done. Sunday it was time to go to work. Thankfully C really enjoys coming to my work where she can set up a fort, play and watch movies. Although, given that we were here for 10 hours it did become difficult because at some points she was saying "mom I just want to play" which is okay but you know that she really means that "mom I want to play with you"
The moments where you don't know what you are doing, where your not sure if you are doing the right thing, the points at which you just want to quit go home and give up - those moments of life are becoming much more prelevant and confusing moving through the year it is difficult to question yourself are you doing the right thing? did you make the right decision? there is no way of knowing but thankfully along the way there are great and fabulous people that show you that they have faith in you and believe that you can accomplish what you have set out to do. You wait for those moments inbetween the branches, leaves and trees to see the light only to get too destracted by the light at some points to get tied up in the dead and dying parts of the forest. The strenght, and courage to keep moving forward is hard to find at times.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I had breakfast! Fruit smoothie and cereal. Yes, that is correct world I am now eating cereal and for those who don't know I do NOT eat cereal. I have never been a big fan but I have found one that I acutally like.
Fruit smoothie - 140 g frozen blueberries, 140 g peach/mango frozen, 120 g strawberries, 1 banana and water.
I buy the large bags of frozen fruit and then on the weekend I combined them into "breakfast packs" that contained my mix. I did this with all the berries and then put back in the freezer so that I don't have to measure in the morning. The day before I pull a bag out and put it in the fridge. In the morning I then just put the defrosted fruit in to my magic bullet, add a banana and water half way up and blend. Voila - my breakfast smoothie
Blueberries - 71 cal, 17.1 g carbs, 3.8 g of fiber
Strawberries - 49 cal, 12.7 g carbs, 2.9 g of fiber
Mangos/Peach - 70 cal -(not sure of the rest)
Banana - 105 cal, 26.9g carbs, 3.1 g fiber
approx 220 cal for the smoothie and then 180 Calories for the cereal.
I had lunch too all packed at home!
Then we had stew for supper with biscuits - made by myself and T :) (ok the biscuits can in a mix but I still baked them)
we have left overs for tonight. The only unfortunate thing is that I can barely feel anything from the waist down - I am just numb in my legs and my back, neck and whole body just hurts. SO instead of running I went to sleep. Which worked well until I got up to harvest my raspberries at 12:00 a.m. and stayed up for two hours. Yes, I think we have a new addiction - Farmville.
But I am positive we are moving forward and having success - just one step at a time!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Well let's start by facings the fact that the last year was a complete and utter failure in my goals. I set the goals specifically because they were obtainable and because I didn't want to have "resolutions" to be let down. However, I did exactly what I didn't want to do <- bad english :)
But I am choosing to take this as a new year and a new opportunity to start again. I can achieve what I want to accomplish and there is nothing to stop me except me. Take it from me if you don't already know that the hardest thing to know, acknowledge, accept and remember is that your biggest emeny in life and the one that is going to stop you from achieving your dreams is you.
I can remember as a child being told by my grade 3 elementary teacher that I was a horrible failure and would never achieve anything. I do not remember the teachers name, but I remember his face, I remember the class room and I remember his exact words to me. I can tell you that since then one of the most important things is saying "fuck you" and showing him that I can do it!
I went to a private high school and managed to get on the honor roll for at least one of the years (and that was while taking an extra class by correspondence - physics - because I couldn't fit it into my schdeule) I was told that I would not be able to accomplish it but I did. I also graduate from high school and went on to univesity and acheived an Honours Degree in Psychology with a GPA of 4.25 (so take that!) I also wrote the LSAT without studying on a whim (whole other story) and successfully made it through law school. Also, despite being told in first year that I would probably not do well in my dream job I am now working in my dream job (and hoping to be kept on). I also had a child during my law school and people said it shouldn't be done. I can go on and on about those things that I accomplished. Yet it seems that these fade away and my failures come to the foreground when I am the most in need of the support that I can achieve anything.
You see and hear so many people say that you can achieve anything that you put your mind to and when you hear that you believe it and know it is true - but then when you are tested it seems like it was all a big lie.
I need to look at this as a new beginning to my journey - but more important I cannot ignore my ultimately and horrible failure. There are reasons why I failed and did not accomplish what I had set out to achieve. Those reasons include - focusing on everything else except for my family or myself first; becoming lazy; sacrificing a lot for my dream job - and so many more reasons that I know and accept.
For so long it has felt like my life is a big box moving along on a converor belt - all I want to do is slow the belt down and throw as much I can in. I have to realize that the more I try to slow it down the faster it will move. Seems contradictory right? Especially when I am trying to live my life by the phrase "live everyday to its fullest"
How do I grab onto everything that passes by when I feel like I need to slow down to do it and then I just end up speeding up the ride?
Le Sigh> my point - I need to look forward, knowing that I am backed by failures from which I must learn lessons to not repeat those mistakes and I am back by wonderful accomplishments. I guess what I need to know and remember is that it is not about the pluses and minuses and my ultimate score - rather it is about the experiences -> good or bad it doesn't matter if I don't learn anything from them.
With that said I am planning on moving forward and learning from my mistakes and successes.
- I will be meal planning again
- Going grocery shopping regularly and a fixed number of times
- Eating breakfast, lunch and supper every day
** This means being organzied
- I must organzie my home - and this does not mean "clean" as my house is really not dirty - I must put my home together - get ride of the past that I don't need to hang onto anymore and find what is really important.
- I must find more time for exercise (swimming and running - perhaps aquasize again) and not only because I want to loose weight but because I actually like it and because my daughter needs to learn that this is a part of life.
- I must find more time for my familly and for my daughter that is time for her doing the things that she truly enjoys
- I must do the things I love: reading and cooking.
Friday, January 1, 2010
This has definitely not happened - but this in part to bad planning and lack of organization at home even just in terms of a general schedule.
#01 Confessions of a Shopaholic (Kinsella, Sophie)11 Can you Keep a Secret? (2004) (Kinsella, Sophie)
#02 - The Darwin Awards: Detailing the Idiotic Lengths to Which Men will go for Sex (Northcutt, Wendy) (Northcutt, Wendy)
#03 -The Darwin Awards III (Northcutt, Wendy)
#04 Shopaholic takes Manhattan (2002) (Kinsella, Sophie)
#05 Shopaholic ties the Knot (2003) (Kinsella, Sophie)
#06 Shopaholic & Sister (2004) (Kinsella, Sophie)
#07 Shopaholic & Baby (2007) (Kinsella, Sophie)
#08 Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action (Northcutt, Wendy) (in progress)
#09 Organize your life - free yourself from clutter & find more personal time (2007) (Eisenberg & Kelly) (in progress)
#10 Roots (Alex Hailey) (in progress)
#12 Remember Me? (2008) (Kinsella, Sophie)
#13 The Undomestic Goddess (2005) (Kinsella, Sophie)
BOOKS ON MY READING LIST FOR THE NEXT YEAR
Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection (Northcutt, Wendy)
Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design (Northcutt, Wendy)
The Darwin Awards the Next Evolution (Northcutt, Wendy)
A Child Called It: One Childs Courage to Survive
Bitter Fruit (Dangor, Achmat)
By The Time You Read This (Blunt, Glies)
Conflict Across Cultures (Lebaron * Pillay)
Fall on your Knees (MacDonald, Ann-Marie)
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury)
Long Walk to Freedom (Mandela, Nelson)
Narrative Mediation (Winslade & Monk)
No Time for Goodbye (Barclay, Linwood)
The Dwelling (Moloney, Susie)
The Measure of a Man a Spiritual Autobiography (Poitier, Syndney)
The Moral Imagination (Lederach, John)
The Pact: A Love Story (Picoult, Jodi)
The Stone Angel (Laurence, Margaret)
The Tales of Beedle the Bard