It sucks to be in a position where you feel like you are failing in life at all things you are working on but moreover to feel like you are failing your family and in my case my daughter - the stress of that is unspeakable. I has left me feeling completely overwhelmed and lost in who I am. I have been swallowed by the mere concept of just trying to survive and make it to the next moment where I can breath. It is like being swallowed up in the ocean trying to grasp for air between the breaking waves.
"You said 'we make it through things well together.'.. that doesn't sound very fun, you don't want to look back on your life and say 'I made it through my life' we want to enjoy our projects, enjoy our workweek, we want to enjoy our lives, celebrate our lives..." - Couples Retreat Bulldozing Session
Like I said in my last post there have been the these moments - moments of clarity and brightness in amongst the crashing waves that have pushed me to some realizations in life. It is these moments of sunlight that I have been trying to hold on.
... the realization that I keep front of mind:
- I don't need to be "ordinary" - following the 'rules' and expectations of others has often lead me down a path that has lead me to places I didn't want to be
- I have learned more from my mistakes and failures that I have from my successes.
- most valuable and simplest thing I ever learned in law school but the hardest to follow the K.I.S.S principle - Keep it Simple Stupid.