Friday, February 26, 2016

Parent teacher conferences

This has been an extraordinarily long week and it's not over yet. My husband was suppose to have surgery yesterday (he'll probably kill me for posting about this). The surgery is nothing major - in fact it is a relatively simple procedure that occurs on a regular basis. However, the implications of the procedure itself are wide open in terms - and frankly I'm not going to get into that part because that doesn't have me concerned. 

But the annoyance of this week is beyond belief.  So at the end of January he had his date confirmed for surgery as yesterday.  We found out at the last minute that in fact his surgery had been re-scheduled but no one could seem to explain to us why it was re-scheduled (we have since figured that out - it was a simple human error and that pisses me off beyond belief and it is very frustrating.  On the other hand I completely understand human error and I'm not actually pissed off or upset with the person who made the mistake.)

I'm annoyed, fightie and angry over the huge implications it has had.  So many things had to be planned and scheduled. Let's start with the husband - he does NOT like surgery at ALL like would rather have his teeth kicked in over and over again than have to deal with being put under - it really scares him and I completely understand that.  So he has been stressed out for nearly a week not sleeping and now we know we have to go through that stress all over again.  He had to get sick notes and notes from the specialist to be off work and then his work had to make arrangements. We were worried that they wouldn't be able to accommodate him coming back to work on short notice (thankfully they were able to accommodate him).

Now there is our joint life - the monkey was suppose to be with us this week so we had to make special arrangements to have her looked after, attend her activities and then make it home and trying not to disrupt her too much - of course all of that was for not.  

Then there is my life - he has to be driven, taken home, and not left unattended for 24-hours afterwords. So the dates that we were originally given I had a conflict at work - thankfully we were able to work the conflict out but not without a lot of inconvenience.  Now the new date we were originally given causes more huge conflicts and I'm not sure if I can fix those issues. 

Needless to say this week has been very stressful - which leads to tonight's stress (did I mention I am ready for a vacation). Parent-teacher conferences.  Now I was always a great student - not always the best marks in high school but I was still a pretty good student.  For some reason I always thought that the parents had it easy when it came to the PT Conferences - you were just there to find out how your child was progressing and frankly if they were behaving or not in school.

I've come to dread the parent-teacher conference - not because the monkey is a bad kid or does bad in school. Frankly she is a wonderful kid (and that's not just a proud mom speaking) but she works well with others, stands up for people but isn't a bully, tries really hard in school but still struggles a lot with her reading.

One of the things I have always struggled with is the balance being a mom/wife and myself frankly.  I had my daughter when I was in school and there was a lot of demands placed on my time and when trying to balance everything for a long time the things that "I" needed or wanted went by the way side and I became a very unhappy person and I didn't find a lot of support.  I then shifted and took a lot of focus on me and what I needed and frankly mostly needed to be and keep healthy but it created a real imbalance.

So I find it hard as a mom it is the most challenging thing that I have done or frankly will ever do (law school that was easy compared to being a mom - seriously). So now trying to balance between making sure that Monkey is in enough activities to make sure she is well rounded and has a lot of experiences, but not to many activities so that it takes away from her education, working with her on school and the other passions while not trying to be an overbearing parent (trust me I'm really strict - I'm the most strict with her out of all her care givers). But this week is a prime example of the struggle between the demands of life, being a mom, being a wife, being an employee, being a person.

With the surgery looming over us it was really hard to make sure that everything around the house was taken care of so that the husband wouldn't have to worry while he was off work, it was/is emotionally stressful waiting for him to go for surgery, it is difficult changing and entire routine for the week and in the midst of showering this morning thinking about parent teacher conferences - it dawned on me - reading.  The monkey has mandatory 20-minutes reading every day for school (not a lot of time and she really needs to work on her reading) but in the midst of the chaos this week it hadn't dawned on me until that moment that she hadn't done her reading. It was clearly and entirely my fault she hadn't done her reading. She was with us on Monday, with her Dad on Tuesday and then back with us Wednesday night but because of the cancelled surgery not as originally planned and I didn't know if she had done her reading.

I wanted to sit on the floor of the shower and cry - how was I going to explain that with everything going on I had simply forgot. How do you forget your child - they should be your largest priority and she is - but I forgot. I called her into sit on the bathroom floor and read while I finished my shower, then had her read as she had breakfast and then as I drover her to school but how do you forget. Add to that she didn't eat supper until after her activity on Wednesday night and then it was chocolate crepes at 9:00 pm almost as a bribe to say I'm sorry I'm such a fluck nut as a parent sometime.

The monkey as wonderful as she is - is an eternal optimist - always thankful and happy and gave me a big hug for being the best mom because I made chocolate crepes and all I can think is I'm not and I can't believe even after 10 years I don't know how to balance it. So yes - parent teacher conferences feel like a judgment session for how I am doing as a parent for putting my child and their education first.

Now before any trolls comment about maybe I should focus more on my daughter than the blog and the food I'm making - frankly speaking a lot of the time the food is made after she is gone to bed, or on days when she is with her father but the posts don't get done right away... It is one of the things I struggle with - balance - because I still haven't figured out how to fit in going to the gym. 

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