Reality Check

Well it has been just over two weeks since my last post and I need a reality check.

I am now down to 226 lbs and I am hating the 220's! After the Black Friday weekend I got down to 227 (mostly because of sickness induced lack of eating) and then quickly went back up. My body has a hard time with lack of food and then eating again.

Well I've been blah about my weight loss because I have just a short 3 weeks or 21 days until the trip to Cuba. The entire time I have had a goal of 210 before getting to Cuba and now it really seems like I will not make it to that weight and I am frustrated.

The worst part is I often feel like I have made no progress at all - which is an utterly STUPID thought considering that I have lost 32.8 lbs since September (so 16 weeks...) how on earth can ANYONE think that loosing on average 2 lbs a week is bad?!?! seriously.

Well in part the frustration comes in because I have hovered around the same weight for the last two weeks (or so it has felt) and it doesn't seem like my clothes are fitting any different.

Silly silly thoughts I know and they were made worse this weekend with a trip to the swim suit store to pick up something for Cadence. I looked at the suites and thought there is no way I can fit anything other than the ugly "fat" ones and here I have done all of this work to get no where.

Then there was the thoughts of still not being able to shop in any regular stores and having to visit plus size stores. I sat and thought about just saying screw it all and then going to get some Popcorn and pretzel. Then something stopped me and I thought about all of the hard work, the 1.5-2 hours a day I spend at the gym away from my home, my daughter trying to get the weight off and I do NOT want to go back I do NOT want to have to go through this again. The momentary up or fuzzy feeling I would get from the food would be far far out weighed by the guilt of eating the food, by the icky way it would make me feel and most importantly by the time I would have to spend at the gym making up for giving into the temptation.

I sat and contemplated this for a few minutes. My real fear was walking into a store that carries clothes from 0-18 and then looking at me and saying "your too fat to be here loser". I then made the decision that I have let fear rule enough of my life and my decisions and that I will never be able to do the thing that I think I can't do otherwise ANYTHING is possible.

So I went into the store, grabbed two pair of pants and a shirt and headed to the change room as quick as possible and tried not to be noticed.

I went into the room and start thinking of all of the excuses about not wanting to try anything else on as I got undressed and started to put the clothes on.... and guess what?!? The size 18 was LOOSE not falling off but loose. I could have cried. I came out and talked with the associate and finally had the courage to just say what was happening. I explained that I have lost 30+ lbs and I didn't know what size I was and I need help finding clothes.

So they brought me a size 16 skirt suite and I tried it on and it fit wonderfully - ever so tight around my tummy but it FIT.

It was one of the best moments I've had so far.

I know that I will not likely hit my goal of 210lbs for Cuba but I am ok with that - it was a lofty goal to start with and I am proud of my success and I am not going to let the fact that I will fall slightly short deter me from continuing.

I have a new goal - my 30th Birthday is coming up at the end of June - I have 27 weeks and my goal is to be at 170 lbs by then.

In order to achieve the goal I would need to loose 56 lbs from today or just over 2 lbs a week consistently until then.

I don't honestly know when I was last 170 lbs. Unfortunately, I ignored my weight once I started to gain. When I graduated from high school I was 155 lbs and the next weight I knew was 235lbs I don't remember any other point along the way.

So right now I am looking forward to one number 200 LBS and no longer being above that number.

Progress Report

Well it certainly has been a while since I posted and here is where things are at....




In September when I started my journey I weighed 258.8 lbs wow that's a really really hard number to write down - so very very embarrassing especially considering that almost 5 years ago I lost 30 lbs (granted I've since had a baby and everything else...)

This is a picture that was taken in June of this year. I absolutely HATE this picture and my mom even had it published in the local news paper (thanks mom)




Well here is a recent picture (e.g., just taken - long day in the office...) can you see the difference? :) As I've posted before I have started hitting the gym on a regular basis (basically 6 days a week). However, November has been a crazy month - between my annual girl's fondue weekend, black friday shopping weekend (with all of the food that goes along with a long-weekend trip)

I was very concerned for many reasons. First, the annual girls fondue party involves wine and lots of it accompanied by a massive spread - cheese fondue with bread and veggies, followed by hot rocks and oil fondue for cooking meat and veggies (and on the hot rocks you basically are cooking the meat in butter... oh soooo tasty) and then finally chocolate fondue with fruit for dipping (or in some cases dipping Lindt chocolate balls....no I did not partake in that one this year I was already too full) well can you imagine that this does not fit well in my meal plans and on top of that I had planned to spend an extra four hours in the gym to make up for the sheer volume of food... key word "planned" I ended up being too busy with house cleaning and preparations to get there.

I want to take a brief second to give a shout out to my WONDERFUL mom who came over to help me clean the house and then took ALL and I mean 14 loads ALL of my laundry home with her to wash, dry, iron, fold/hang up and delivered it back the next day. Now who seriously has the BEST MOM in the world :D thanks mom and the best part is she loves it and has come to understand my world is crazy and house cleaning is not near the top of my list these days.

Anyways - the weekend after the fondue weekend was Black Friday weekend - which usually involves all you can eat buffets, lots of bad food at all times of the day. Well this year on the advice of a friend I found out that my YMCA membership is also good in the US and my hotel was 5 seconds from one of the local Y's.

I had planned on working out on my regular routine. However, after the first night our weekend went into chaos - little C got sick and then I got the stomach flu (not pretty or fun). When we finally made it home I was still not feeling well - and did not eat for two full days and then barely ate for the rest of the week. I made the decision that while going to the gym was not in my best interests (I was afraid that working out and stressing the body while having little if any food could trigger "starvation mode" and create set backs). So I waited until I could eat on a normal basis again and then on Saturday and Sunday I hit the gym again.

I would also note at this time that after the fondue weekend I basically stopped using LoseIt to track my food and the last time this happened I had a major slip and started gained back more weight than I had lost using the program. I was very very concerned about this and the not going to the gym but I was determined not to let this set me back.

Regardless of how much weight I've lost so far (which by the way is about 30 lbs :) ) I think I have reached a very important point in my journey. I didn't let the fact that life got a bit out of the ordinary mess me up. I was cautious about my activities and eating habits while not using my tracking system and not going to the gym. More importantly I think - I started right back on track as soon as possible.

I also shared with my close friends about my journey where I had been and where I wanted to go and I've asked for their help. Honestly, when I started gaining weight out of high school I didn't really realize it and I have no idea how I got to where I am today (well I know but I didn't see it as I went) and I asked each of them to promise me to speak up and say something anything to keep me from going back.

Those old habits are dead and gone and can honestly say after overcoming these last two weeks that I have a new lifestyle and that I am confident that I can keep these changes around.


Next goal - 20 lbs in the next 6 weeks - I know it will be really really hard and I am not sure I can accomplish it. But I am ok if I don't :)

Boo at the Zoo

iPhone4 picture

A mini me

Well this is just a recent picture of little C from the other morning.

Children are such a reflection of what you do and who you are. Here she is on the phone in the morning on our way to work.

This has had me thinking more and more about my weight loss journey. She is going to look to me for my habits and behaviors. This had made the whole process even more important she needs to learns about the need to eat health and the importance of exercise. However she cant just be taught she needs to be shown the what a healthy life is.

21 Times...

I was watching some show over the summer and they said that if you do something 21 times it becomes a habit.

Well I can tell you from experience I had 4 years ago that when I truly set my mind to something I know I can accomplish it. (Ok I know look at my career and educational accomplishments and I am still never 100% sure I can accomplish what I want to in life).

Well in the start of September something changed and I made the decision that things have gone too far and I need to get back to the gym and get back on track to loose the weight I so desperately need to loose.

Earlier this year in February I did really well going to the gym because I had motivation of a trip and I wanted to wear certain clothes. It worked I dropped about 10 lbs before the trip but have since gained that back (plus some).

I have booked a trip in January for somewhere warm knowing that I would be good motivation to get me started. I also know that I have a real bathing suit problem (e.g., my current swim suit that I typically wear for snorkelling has finally gone to swim suit haven and I can't find any more suits around at this time of the year and I have two new suits that I could fit given some lost pounds).

So I made the decision I am going to try for a total weight loss goal of 40-50 lbs by time I leave for the trip. I had my original goal in LoseIt set at my ideal weight (155 lbs - I am 5'8" and that is what I weighed when I graduated high school) but it seem too far off.

So I have readjusted and I am determined to meet or exceed my goal of 210 by time the trip in mid-January comes along.

However, I decided that I wasn't going to make consistent or big posts about it because I seem to wain. I wanted to see how long I can make this stick and most importantly stick to it with my ever changing life.

But yesterday was #22 and this morning I am down 10.4 lbs in the last month (I still have 37 lbs to go) but I am 21% of the way there.

SO here is the news:

Since September 7th, I have made a consistent trips to the gym every night :) I go almost 7 days a week with a few exceptions and on those nights where there are exceptions I have been doing other physical activity (e.g., removing slat and plaster from house...yes I would count it as a work out!)

Since September 7th, I have continuously logged my food intake using LoseIt. This has also been a big task because we have been eating out a fair amount in the last while (visits with friends and family) but I have done the research or have simply asked for the nutritional information and make informed choices. (I know I blogged about LoseIt before but after a couple of weeks I gave up after 2 1/2 weeks)

I can tell you it feels great and I am very excited about it.

There have been other major changes to the routine around the house that are combining with my weight loss goals that are making things go really well.

I face a major challenge this weekend with Thanksgiving but I am determined to take it one step at a time and not give up or give in. Temptation happens (e.g., fries on Wednesday night) but I know that fries are not going to go away and I have to adjust and plan accordingly and I don't feel restricted so life is good.

So 21 times and I would say that my food logging and gym have officially become a habit.

Cream Cheese Pumpkin Muffins

INGREDIENTS

1 cup Whole Wheat Flour

1/2 cup oat bran

1/2 cup oatmeal

1/4 cup ground flax meal

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp nutmeg

1 tsp ground cloves

2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1 pinch cardamom (optional)

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp baking soda

2 eggs (for slimmer version use only egg whites)

1/2 cup dark brown sugar (for slimmer version I use Splenda Brown Sugar)

1 1/2 cups pumpkin

3 tbsp vegetable oil

1/2 c vanilla yogurt

4 oz low-fat cream cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Put the entire brick of cream cheese on a piece of wax paper or parchment paper and shape it into a long log.

3. Put it in the freezer while you mix and fill the pans, up to an hour.

4. Unwrap and cut with a sharp knife so each cream cheese disk equals 1-2 teaspoons. If the cream cheese disks are too big around, cut thick slices and then cut them in half. This lets you push it down into the batter easier.

5. Mix all ingredients together (except cream cheese).

6. Fill muffin tins (greased or paper cups) half full.

7. Put cream cheese disc in the middle, pressing down.

8. Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean from the muffin part (do not touch the cream cheese!).

9. Let cool in pans for 5 minutes, then remove to racks to cool completely. Do not touch the cream cheese until it cools.

**This recipe makes 12.

NOTES:

• you could add nuts or sunflower seeds to this for extra goodness.

• Make sure you buy plain pumpkin and not pumpkin pie filling (did that once with another recipe and it was not such a hot idea)

• I also use a low-fat No Sugar Added vanilla yogurt

Based on the information I have about the recipe each muffin has:

175 calories

6 g fat

1 g sat fat

28 g carbs

3 g fiber

1 g sugar

5 g protein

NOTE: I have NO idea where this recipe came from as it was shared by a friend but it is too tasty not to share!!

Some more thoughts on the iPhone 4

OK

so I don't know what to honestly think of the iPhone4. I have been a blackberry user for two years prior to going to the iPhone4 this summer. I was promised that I would marvel at the wonder of the phone and never want to look back.

Well on one side of the world yes I LOVE the phone for many reasons:

(1) I can use it for movies and music

(2) The ability to have like a bazillion different apps for almost anything that I need or want and a lot of the apps really simplify my life (e.g., LoseIt, MealBoard, and Couch to 5K are my most frequently used apps) they keep track of my food, meal plans, grocery shopping and running program. Fabulous!

HOWEVER I have found some extreme limitations that frustrate the crap out of me and no one seems to mention them:

1. Multiple mailboxes but only one signature

As I said before the primary purpose of my phone is for work but I also have my mobile me and personal emails coming to my phone.

However, I have an extremely long signature for work (my name, business and other important details but then also a confidentiality statement) and I have this as my default signature. However, I do not want this appearing on my personal emails. Thus, my only option is to delete this every single time I send a personal email from my personal email account (can we say pain in the rear!?)

I have been told that if I use MobileMe or GoogleMail that I can probably fix this. well I don't think I should have to use a third party to preform this task that the BlackBerry readily did.

2. App Store Management

The way in which the app store is managed and organized is driving me nuts. I would love to be able to look and review the different apps using iTunes on my computer but alas the way that it is laid out in iTunes is extremely limiting and counter intuitive (surprising since everything apple is normal very intuitive)

I would also like to be able to cue downloads of apps. I am currently searching and downloading many apps. I do not like the fact that I have to press install and then wait for the app to install before continuing.

Last and not least you can NOT use iTunes gift cards on the Apple Canada app store - boo urns!!

3. Contact Management

I frequently send emails to the same group of people (on a more than daily basis) and it is annoying to have to retype their emails every single time that I have to send an email. On BlackBerry you could create a group in the contacts and then send and email to the group and it would automatically deliver to all the parties listed in the group. I have not been able to find such a feature on the iPhone.

4. Calendar Invites

UGH the vain of my existence - I have a beautiful MacBook Pro that runs boot camp and whenever I have an appointment that I want to put in my calendar and invite another person to I literally would rather boot up BootCamp and then open Outlook and send a calendar invite than use Calendar on the iPhone. There is NO option to send calendar invites.

Again, I have been told "there's an app for that" however as a smart phone I consider this to be a BASIC thing that a phone should do. I stand in court frequently with my phone trying to schedule something and the ability to send that invite or even ACCEPT an invite from someone else is a necessity. Frustrating beyond belief that I have lost that function of the iPhone4.

5. Calendar Views

AH can you tell that I have issues with the calendar?? (By the way all of the issues I am listing here - you guessed it blackberry has the options....)

There are only three view options in the calendar - "List" "Day" and "Month"

(a) I miss a weekly view. I do not like having to use month view and then click on the different days to see what I have going on - especially when at MAXIMUM only two appointments show at the bottom and then I have to scroll through to see what is going on and even then there is not obvious indication that there are other appointments past the two that are visible - so there has been occasion where I did not see them listed and when switching to day view...well see (b) below.... (I am not a fan of list view - I am very much a fan of lines and seeing the days beside the other so I can have a whole view of my week at once)

(b) I miss being able to see the entire day. Even when using Day view I can see only 8 hours of the day and no way to expand or minimize to see the evening at the same time.

6. Task Management

There is no way to sync tasks between iCal/Outlook/Entourage and the Phone.

Again "there's an app for that" well - this is a basic thing the phone should do (I mean the BlackBerry does it why doesn't the iPhone?)

Summary

if you are looking for a basic phone not for work purposes that does everything else under the sun as well then I would definitely recommend the iPhone4.

If you are a professional looking for a phone that will act as your life saver (manage contacts, email, calendars) and the apps are a cool secondary feature then I would consider buying something else and getting an iPod touch to get the benefits of the app. Especially when you consider that the phone is between ~$200 and ~$300 on a three year contract or about $900 (with MobileMe which is necessary to get calendar synching) unlocked or off contract.

At the end of the day I still love my iPhone4 (yes enough that I would be crazy enough to line up at 9 p.m. the night before it went on sale again...) but I am sadly disappointed that many *key* features have been missed

*sigh*