Life and things

London Christmas Market 2013

I have a problem in life - a real funny problem believing that ultimately that I'm a good person and frankly that other people are good.

You often hear the stories of people who have done something nice and then it makes you think "I should be doing more in my life" and it is sometimes hard to find those opportunities and then having really a courage do to something about a problem you see.  

There are so many problems I have seen and see in the world around me and honestly for the life of me I would love to stand up and change them but it often seems impossible.  I have always been one to try and help others - frankly often because there are so many times it would have been a welcome relief to have help from someone or times where I have received help and have been very thankful for the help I've gotten.

There are two things that stand out for me that I really haven't shared before and I feel now that I want to share the stories.  The most was the most touching and moving experience of my entire life. It happened in 2013 on my trip to Europe.  By way of background - I have family in Europe (Hi guys!) that for a variety of reasons I hadn't seen since I was 12 (just a few...decades) so when my divorce was finalizing it was extremely important for me that no matter what else I had to make sure that I visited with my family.  I was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with Husb (at the time my fiancé).  So we took a month long trip to Europe (sounds fantastic right? It was great - we spend 10 days with his family in England and then another 10 days with Family in Netherlands and Belgium before having sometime in Paris, Venice and London on our own).  The trip was amazing and changing in so many ways. I got to say hi to family, one of whom would pass last year (I miss you Trui) and I got to say good bye to family that had passed before I could make the trip. Despite all of the time with family, the most moving experience would come on what was our second to last day of a month long trip.  We had booked the London Eye experience where we would go in the day and then at night.  On our way off the London Eye we spotted a beautiful Christmas market along the river and decided to check it out.  The smells, food and sights were amazing.  I was hungry and decided to get some food to eat while Husband grabbed a table. While I was waiting for my food and then starting to eat I noticed a gentleman.  Nothing about him was overly unique or made him stand out except that he was checking garbage cans. I wasn't sure at first why he was looking in the cans and then when he pulled out some food it was very apparent what the issue was. I approached him and offered for him to come and join us at our table and share our food with us.  We spoke with him briefly about his life and that he was homeless and had been struggling to find work - he was also having problems with being in contact with his family because of his situation and after the month of being able to reconnect with my extended family I couldn't imagine what he was going through. At the end of the "meal" I said to him thank you. I was grateful to share this experience and I gave him a big hug and he started to cry saying it had months since anyone had given him a hug.  The above is the only picture I have - the Husband took it at the time without my knowledge and when I did find out I was upset. Now I'm happy. I look at this picture now and then to remind myself of how such a small simple act that really has no impact or bearing on my life can make such a huge difference to someone else. Really - what were we out? Nothing - we likely wouldn't have finished the food.

That's what it's really about - taking the time and the opportunity to do these small simple things every day. I know this year for Christmas I reached out to our neighbours (both of whom are elderly and don't have family that live close by) and extended them an invitation to join us for Christmas supper. I always invite people who don't have family or friends to be with to join us for Christmas or Thanksgiving - I mean who doesn't have a lot of left overs? 

I have started volunteering with Girl Guides lately and as a part of the closing the girls say "Have I done my best" and "Have I done my daily task" and it has started to make me look for the small opportunities in life to help others in any way.  Like letting someone cut you in the grocery line when they have just a few things, offering some extra change to someone who can't find the right amount of money to make a purchase. If we all just did a little wouldn't it go a long way?

Those are my thoughts today - I'm struggling to really understand I'm not a bad person (yes I have self-confidence issues) and my theory is the way to fix some of those is to help others. 

Date and Tamarind Chutney

If your like me an really have no clue what a chutney is - let me help you out (if you smarter than me and can figure it out - skip this paragraph) A chutney is either a pickled presentation of fruits and seasonings or a minced presentation. Not very helpful? I didn't think so.  Basically Chutney's can be a variety of different things and are served as side or accompaniment to a dish (my best way of describing it would be to tell you to think of Relish). 

I've often seen Mango or Mint chutney's at the grocery store or Indian restaruants but never really understood what their point or purpose was.  Basically - like any condiment - it can add texture and flavour to a dish or in the case of yogurt based chutneys calm the heat of a dish (that's a huge plus for me!).

I've always wondered about Tamarind - I've seen it used and heard of it but never really could figure out what it was. Frankly one day I saw Tamarind paste in the produce section of the store next to a box of Tamarinds and figure - what the heck I would try it out. So Tamarind is a pod-like fruit - you eat the pulp of the fruit. Young Tamarind is very sour but is sometimes used in savoury dishes or as a pickling agent. As the fruit ripens it becomes sweeter and less sour (acidic). I never knew this until researching Tamarind and I do have to verify on my bottle at home - but apparently it is found in Worcestershire Sauce <- that's crazy something that we use all  the time - but who knew? Now you do!

The Chutney was amazingly easy to make and next time frankly I should make a double batch as it disappeared SO quickly.   This will keep in a clean container in the fridge for a week or can be frozen for a couple of months.  I used one of my sterilized jam jars.

Date and Tamarind Chutney
4 ounces dates, pitted and roughly chopped
2 1/2 tsp tamarind paste
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cumin
a pinch of child powder.
2/3 cup cold water

1. Throw the dates into a blender (or Vitamix) with 2/3 cup cold water, tamarind paste, salt, cumin and chili powder, and blend to the consistency of half &half. 
2. All dates vary in sweetness.  The end result should be balanced between sweet and sour - if too sour add some sugar little by little. When right spoon into a clean jar. 

Naan Bread

My first attempt at Naan

Ok - bread - another one of my guilty pleasures (I have a few if you can't tell).  I've never been sure of Naan bread - exactly what it is.  But if you haven't had it before it is a relatively soft bread that is flat.  Surprisingly I didn't think Naan would have yeast in it because of the flat nature of the bread.

The recipe was rather straight forward to make and easy - the trick was not guessing myself on the consistency that the dough would have when I started working with it out of the bowl. I would normally start my bread dough in my Kitchen Aid Mixer - however this one I used a fork and fingers to work with it to start.  I likely would oil my hands a little next before starting to make the dough as it was a lot more sticky than bread dough when I started to work with it.

I was again very thankful this night to have the help of my wonderful bestie - Serina.  Given the time of day that we were making food I need help just to fry the bread (I ended up cleaning the kitchen first before cooking - including cleaning out the fridge while we try to come up with a plan of attack for the evening meal.) In any event we kept the naan plain for this adventure. However, my next challenge will be to be stuff the naan bread with cheese and maybe so some with garlic and basil butter *yum*.

Naan Bread

Makes 12 Naan

4 cups all-purpose flour (plus extra for dusting)

Canola oil

4 tbsp whole-milk yogurt

1 package dried yeast

2 tsp sugar

2 tsp salt

1 tsp baking powder

1 cup whole milk, hand hot.

1. Pour the flour into a large mixing bowl. Make a well in the middle and add 2 tablespoons of oil, the yogurt, yeast, sugar, salt and baking powder. Mix through with your fingers until the ingredients resemble breadcrumbs, then add the warm milk, little by little, and mix again until it comes together into a dough.
2. Put the dough on a clean and well-floured surface. The dough will very sticky at first, soft but robust, knead for around 5 minutes. Rub 1 tsp of oil all over the ball of dough.
3. Transfer the dough to a bowl in which it can double in size. Cover it using a tea towel or plastic wrap and leave it in a warm place for at least an hour.
4. When the dough has doubled in size, divide into 12 pieces. Take one piece, roll it into a ball, and flatten between your palms. Coat it fresh flour and roll it out to around 5 x 8 inches. 
5. Put a frying pan on a medium to high heat, and when it's hot, place the naan in it. When the naan starts to bubble - after 20 - 30 seconds - flip it over, using a spatula and cook the other side for the same amount of time, checking regularly to ensure it doesn't learn. Flip over again and quickly press it gently all over with a spatula for 010-15 seconds. Turn the naan over again for another 10 to 15 seconds, check that there are no uncooked doughy bits, then take off the stove.
6. Keep any cooked naan warm by stacking them onto of each other on a plate or wrapping them in foil, then repeat with the rest of the dough. 

Chili Paneer

So this is the recipe that inspired making the paneer at home.  Frankly speaking I have been debating making this again so soon because it was good.  I would have like a little more sauce. This recipe ends up being rather dry.

Browned Paneer thanks to Serina

I wasn't sure entirely what to expect from the recipe as it came at the request of the husband. However, when I looked at it and saw it was cheese basically browned in spices I figured it couldn't be bad because I mean who doesn't like cheese.

The recipe is incredibly easy to make and had very good results.  I will admit that because of timing issues and how late it was getting I did have an amazing assistant help with me execute the recipe (Thank you Serina).  She did an amazing job at browning the paneer.

I will be honest I'm not sure if what we used was 14 ounces of paneer - I made one batch of paneer cheese and just used that.  Next time I would probably make more or just have this as an appetizer part of the meal. Like I said there wasn't a sauce to speak of with the dish so it was rather dry.  Which was a learning piece in making the food this evening.  I had made naan in the expectation of having curry like dishes - but then as things were progressing in terms of the food I was going to actually make that didn't work out. This is also a lesson that sometimes I really need to plan the items I'm going to make together.  I will say that sometimes I do have a plan mapped out in my head and other times (like this evening) I really have one plan and then I end up kidnapping a friend and because I prefer not to kill her with shrimp I end up going down an entirely different path.

I didn't find the recipe too spicy - it was on hot side and I think next time to help with that I may cut back and use only 1/2 of the green chile (note:  I always seed chiles to cut down on the heat that they bring to a dish - but I'm a complete wimp on the heat scale).

Chili Paneer

Chill Paneer
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin seeds
14 ounces paneer
Canola oil
4 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 fresh green chile, very finely sliced
3/4 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp tomato paste
1/2 tsp sugar
4 scallions, finely sliced into rings
lemon wedges, to serve

1. Throw the cumin seeds into a mortar and pestle and roughly grind them to a coarse powder. Next cut the paneer into 3/4-inch cubes. pour a thin coating of oil into a large frying pan and grin it to a high heat. Fry the paneer in batches, turning the pieces until golden brown on each side, and transfer them to a dish lined with paper towels. Watch out, as the paneer may spit; if so, half cover the pan with a lid. 
2. Put 2 tablespoons of oil into the pan, followed by the garlic, green chile, cumin, black pepper and salt. Sauce for about 3 minutes on a low heat, stirring occasionally. Add the tomato paste and sugar and stir, then put the paneer back into the pan along with a splash of water. Cover the pan and simmer for a further 5 minutes. 
3. Take the lid off the pan, add the scallions and simmer until there is no water left. Serve fresh and hot with squeeze of lemon. 

Chaat Salad (the Licking Salad)

Ok - so I'm not entirely sure what drew me to this recipe because honestly in the things I like/don't like but will eat category this recipe has a lot working against it.  I am not a fan of cucumber (unless it is in greek salad), I am typically not a fan of radishes. However, for some reason I decided to give this one a try.  

Now I had no idea what Chaat was, and when the recipe called for Chaat Masala I could not find it on any of my culinary adventure tours with the husband (totally something that I should do again this weekend) but I figured I could make things work.  

I have to say the salad was AMAZING! I made this one night after kidnapping by best friend Serina from work and "made' her help me clean out my fridge and then forced her to eat my home cooked Indian food (yes I'm a terrible captor in that way.)  Serina is also not a fan of most things in this recipe and down right HATES cilantro (more than spiders I would say) ... anyways she also really liked the salad (she did pick out some of the larger pieces of cilantro and if you are like her and don't like cilantro I wouldn't skip it - I would cut back on the amount and make sure the leaves are very finely minced to almost a paste). 

I don't know how to describe what the salad tastes like other than it was amazing - full of interesting textures, full of warmth and flavour while not being overwhelming. I will say I normally love salad in the summer on really hot days - but this salad (despite being a dish served cold) still had that soul warming quality I would look for in the cold winters here.  The big problem I did run into was pomegranates as they were not in season. Serina didn't miss them from the dish, but I think we both agreed that it would have been a good addition to the salad.  I did substitute in mine some pomegranate molasses which added that flavour but obviously not the pop in the mouth that would come from the seeds.

So because I could not find Chaat Masala I made my own. Turns out that masala means spice mixture  from the Hindi word for spices (honestly yes it did take me a little while to figure that out...)  Serina came to rescue and found a Chaat Masala mix recipe, which we used with some..improvising on some ingredients.  First - asafoetida (still have to find some) - but on some reading it has a strong garlic-onion flavour so I substituted onion and garlic powder. I didn't have Amchoor (still have to find some) so I used pomegranate powder instead it seemed to work but I can't wait to try this again with the proper spice mix - just know it's ok to find things close or similar and try them out. 

Chaat Masala
1 tbps cumin seeds
1 1/2 tsp fennel seeds
1/4 tsp asafoetida  (1/4 tsp each ground garlic and onion powder)
1/2 tbsp garam masala
1/2 tbsp amchoor powder
1/2 tbsp black salt
1/2 tsp cayenne
1/8 tsp ground ginger

1. Dry roast the cumin and fennel seeds in a small pan over low heat for about 5 minutes or until the cumin seeds darken a few shades. Add in the asafoetida(or garlic/onion powder) and stir in to mix well. Take off of the heat and use a spice grinder (aka repurposed coffee grinder) and grind until powdered. Add the remaining ingredients and pulse to mix.

Chaat Salad in the bowl. 

Chaat Salad
1/2 cucumber (around 10 ounces) seeds scooped out
7 ounces radishes
4 scallions
seeds of 1 pomegranate
1 ounce cilantro
4 tbsp canola oil
1 tsp mustard seeds
1 14-ounce can chickpeas
1/2 tsp child powder
3/4 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
Juice of 1/2 lemon
2 tbsp desiccated coconut
1/2 tsp chaat masala

1. Take your sharpest knife and chop the cucumber into small cubes (each one should be about the size of a chickpea). Chop up the radishes the same way. Slice the scallions into thin rings and put everything into a salad bowl, along with the pomegranate seeds.  Finely chop the cilantro - leaves and stems - and add it to the bowl.
2. Next, put the oil into a small frying pan on a medium heat. When it's hot, add the mustard seeds, leave them to pop, then add chickpeas. Fry the chickpeas for 3 to 5 minutes, until they start to crisp up nicely in the pan, then add the child powder, salt, sugar, and lemon juice. Turn the head down to low and add the coconut, then stir a couple of times and take off the heat.
3. Add the spiced chickpeas to the salad bowl and sprinkle over the chaat masala.

Homemade Paneer

So one of the things I have had an interest in doing lately is making cheese - however it always seemed like it would be a long, intensive labour involved process (which seems ironic considering the types of food I make and how long I am usually in the kitchen cooking...) but when cheese is so readily available if often seemed at odds to make my own.

However, then I saw the recipe for paneer in the cookbook and it listed two simple ingredients - I was hooked.

Homemade Paneer

The recipe is amazingly easy and quick. I will admit that the only problem I had was figuring out when the milk was boiling. I waited and made sure that I was consistently stirring the milk to make sure that it didn't burn. I wasn't sure of what to expect when I added the lemon juice but it instantly starting to part ways and form these solid parts.

The big thing that I learned from this was cheesecloth - despite it's name and use in this type of application was probably not the best. Maybe it was because I was using cheep cheese cloth but I really had to make lots of layers to be able get a good covering on the cheese so I could squeeze out the liquid.  Next time I would probably use Muslim (fabric) instead.  I did set the cheese wrapped in the cloth in a strainer over a metal bowl and then place my mortar and pestle on top.

I eventually used the Paneer for a simple Chili Paneer dish which was fantastic - the next this to do with paneer is make paneer stuffed naan bread. 

Paneer
1/2 Gallon whole milk
4 tablespoons lemon juice

1. Put the milk in a saucepan and bring it to a boil, stirring frequently so that it doesn't stick to the bottom. When it starts to boil, turn the heat down.  Add the lemon juice and stir until it curdles.  You'll see the curds separate from the whey and form lumps, at which point turn the heat off.
2. Line a colander with a few layers of cheesecloth and put it in the sink. Pour the cheese curds through it slowly, draining off all the liquid into the sink. Fill the saucepan with wonder and pour it over the curds again to easy any lemon juice off. 
3. Grab the corners of the cheese cloth and squeeze the water out by twisting the top of the cloth until it's tight around the pall of paneer. Keeping it twisted, put a weight on top of it press it and leave the colander in the sink or set over a bowl so that any remaining water can drain out.
4. Leave for 3 hours or so, until firm to the touch, and refrigerate until you're ready to use it. If stored tightly wrapped in plastic wrap or in an airtight container, the paneer will keep for 3 to 4 days. 

It's been a little bit

It has been a few days since I've posted and honestly I need a bit of a break. The last two weeks have been probably the most stressful two weeks that I've had in a while and frankly I haven't wanted to be in the kitchen cooking or baking and it is the thing that tends to make me happy. 

It all started when my husband had to be scheduled for surgery (please don't get worried - it is not a major operation but it does have impacts on life and potential implications for other things). His surgery ultimately had to be rescheduled. As I already said - having the surgery on the date it was scheduled for in the first place was not great but I made it work. However, when that surgery date went up in the air and the next date we were given was in the end of March things couldn't have been worse.

We have been trying to have a baby for the last well almost two years and we have two things working against us. First - I have PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which is tons of funs (Not).  PCOS has been getting more attention lately because of people like Whitney Way Thore (Star of My Big Fat Fabulous Life) but it has been a factor in my life for the last 15+ years and affects many things including my ability to conceive.  Second - the husband has low testosterone.  He has to have an injection every three weeks to keep up his levels and the injection has certain side effects.  We had to both see our doctors to get a referral to a specialist here. Mine was easier in sorts because of a known issue that I've had to deal with before.   We finally seemed like we were on a path to actually being able to try in a meaningful way and then we had a set back with the husband's health and him having to have surgery. We now wait for him to recover before we can get the process moving again. 

When he originally came back from the specialist and confirmed what we already knew - that he would have to have surgery - it was hard because they can take a while to schedule and get in so I was originally set up for a long time - then when we go the call that his date was at the end of February I was relieved in so many ways. Then to have that pulled out from under you and be told it could be another month I could just see the delay getting longer and longer. 

The worst part for me is that a lot of family/friends are having babies right now. I am going to put this out there - it's not that I wish them bad or that I'm not happy for them it is just really really hard.  I have had this discussion with my bestie and as much as I lover her she doesn't get it. S is really the best friend a person could have and I love her to pieces - but she's never had a problem having children and that really seems to be the key. Those that have struggles with infertility understand how hard it is - its not that other people being pregnant or having babies makes you hate that person - it makes me hate myself and get very angry. It is not fair - its just not fair. I wish for the first part people would understand and I think that the easiest way to put is this - I am a woman - I am purpose built biologically to do one thing - reproduce and have a baby - so by the shear fact that my body is messed up and is working against that eats away being a woman.

I honestly don't know where this post is going but I need to vent that I'm frustrated and stressed and I'm glad that the husband is on the road to recovery and I was back in the kitchen yesterday night and back to being happy in there.